I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
