you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
