You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
