Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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