hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
