sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
