I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
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