she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
You made out with two different species that night
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
