Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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