I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
