Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize