maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize