um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
