I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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