He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
