You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Randomize
