I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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