getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I'm bleeding and have questions
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
