I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize