Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I am mentally ready for anal.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
