I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
They took my balls.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
