Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
