Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
