That's when you crack a 10am beer
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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