you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
40s are totally the cure
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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