i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
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