then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize