Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
