She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
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