You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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