i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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