Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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