fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
