The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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