the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
