I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Randomize
