Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
