I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize
