just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Randomize
