i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
