return my video game
Say something about gay babies.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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