Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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