It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
