alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
why is half of my head shaved?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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