Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
