we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
