I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
