The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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