i don't plan on having that self control this summer
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
