Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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