I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize