I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
