I want you more than these girls want KFC
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
