some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
