I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
