Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
