Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
