Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
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