if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Randomize
