Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
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