hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
