You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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