dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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