Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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