and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
