i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
She told me I should be a condom model.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
