fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Randomize
