She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Randomize
