I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize