Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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